a few facts (you might or might not need to know)

I have $30 to my name.

Lately, I've slept 16 hours at a time.

I've been ridiculously irresponsible with money this year.

The previous statement could have had a period after "irresponsible".

I'm terribly overwrought with anxiety about my appearance.

Functioning is hard for no particular reason for about 5 months.

The future keeps scaring the hell out of me.

Confidence in every aspect of my future wanes daily.

I want to get married. No I don't. Yes I do.

(can be further dissected into wanting a relationship long term at all)

Grad school? Yes. No. Can't do it. Maybe I can.

Even with that, I'm not entirely unhappy. Happy things are happening all the time. All of those happy, beautiful things should make me alright and they do, seriously.

For instance: I realized I frequently draw stylized uteri in my Women's Lit class. That's got to be proof of the triumph of the human spirit.

And, after the most harrowing 12 hours of my life, I have pictorial evidence of how fortunate I am:

Inevitably, I can list the things that make all the anxieties fade:

Tea of any sort, preferably hot.

My relationship, albeit in brief disjointed bursts.

Writing Christmas cards.

Making Christmas presents..

Television. Gooey, raunchy, time-wasting television.

Being home with my Mom and her crazy-ass cats.

Ice cream.

Having the heater on (since I want to eat ice cream in the winter)