Gettin' capped AND being replaced by a black woman AND going back to high school

I've been having some awful dreams lately. Most of my friends have heard about at least one of them, but I'm recounting them for my own sake.

In one of these dreams, I'm attacked by a pygmy deer (which I googled, and it was actually just a really tiny regular deer. it was cartoonily tiny.) So I get bitten by this minute excuse for a deer several times, but it never breaks the skin. Soon, I realize that the deer is just suctioning onto my arm and giving me these giant, painful hickeys. Somehow, I use a cellphone/ipod or something to google this whole thing and find out I need to break the suction, get away from the deer and get to a hospital. Somehow I shake the deer off of the deck at my house and it falls to the ground like a balrog or gandalf...OR BOTH.

I call my mom and tell her I need her help going to hospital. In the meantime, I go to the local Little Caesars Pizza to dine on some pizza with strangers. I can remember a few faces of acquaintances and recall the whole place being set up like a hibachi restaurant...but for pizza. Weird. I finish eating and decide that I should wait outside for my mom, and realized I'm feeling like hell from whatever internal bleeding that pygmy deer has caused.

Stumbling outside onto the Lemon Lot that's next door to the pizza place, I fall and drop all the stuff I'm holding. This seemingly friendly man-in-uniform walks up asking if I need any help. I'm eager for help, then weary of his arm that is concealed behind his back.

THEN HE SHOOTS ME IN THE CHEST.

Everything goes black and I realize that I'm going to die. This pisses me off, so I start scrambling for my cellphone so I can call 911. I know my mom is on her way and I keep thinking that if I just keep being really angry about my mortality, I will live. My life doesn't flash before my eyes, but I am so fucking pissed that I'm dying. Then I wake up. If dying feels like that, then I don't need to go to hell. I've been uneasy even thinking about the desperate feelings I had.

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I've also had two dreams that involve William befriending girls and forming intensely personal relationships with them. Like, dinner dates and sharing feelings. It was like emotional cheating or something. One of them was an actual person, but the other was an attitude-y black chick like Tara from True Blood. They become BFFs and I find them on the bed at my grandmother's old house, practically braiding each others hair. There was no sexual relationship, which was probably the worst part of these dreams. He was hanging out exclusively with women and disregarding me because I wasn't a good enough friend. I don't buy into dream interpretation as anything but defining obvious tropes, but I have never felt inadequate about being a girlfriend AND a pal.

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Staying at home has made me feel like I'm in high school again. So, I had a series of dreams involving going back to good ol' Carroll High. I don't remember much, but when my Mom woke me up this morning I told her I'd never go back to high school. That would be more traumatic than being shot OR being a shitty friend.